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Aug. 4th, 2011

It's All In God Fun [part 2]

“Hey, nice. You guys got me!” David called, picking up the nerf bullet that got him in the torso.

The twins appeared on either side of their friend and smirked. They examined their friend; he was winded and looked about ready to collapse. The high fived behind the boy’s back.

“I think you’ve had enough, Hatter.” Ethan laughed.

“We think you’ve had enough. We’ve been playing for hours.” Evan elaborated.

“Since I got home.”

“Throw in the towel, Hatter. Thanks for distracting us.” Evan guided the boy back to Windsor.

The boys were dragged out into the maze the second David got through the doors of Windsor earlier that evening. They’d been running around for four hours with their nerf guns. David was a decent opponent, but the twins still won every game.

“Oh and tell Alice not to worry.” Ethan turned his attention to the boy.

“You knew?”

“We always know. We’re fine.” They explained.

David shook his head and laughed a bit. He should have known. The twins knew everything; they always did. 
The three walked through Windsor’s doors and the insanity began again. Dwight was running around with a spray bottle he had filled with holy water. Charlie was following him around, occasionally yelling at Drew and Spencer for trying to use the Windsor kitchen for their experiments. Wes was trying to calm Blaine down in a corner far enough away from Kurt, who was red in the face and ranting to Reed about how Logan was an idiot. Apparently time did not stop when you stepped out of Wonderland.

David ran right up to Wes’s side and began listening to everything that had happened. The twins could not have cared, they knew exactly what happened. Or at they knew all they needed to know. Logan had made an advance on Alice again and the Knave did not back off when the Rabbit had gotten involved. Now Windsor was a mess and all it took was a few comments from their Knave.

Evan and Ethan smirked in the direction of the madness and headed up to their room. They studied for until for an hour and watched the sky turn from a vibrant blue to a daunting gray.

“It’s raining,” Ethan told his brother as he looked out the window.

Evan looked up from the homework he had been working on, “You think he is out yet?”

Ethan just nodded. Evan closed his textbook and walked over to the window. Ethan looked up at his twin and searched his eyes for something. He had found it and smiled even though he looked as if he were about to cry. 

Evan smiled and ran his hand through his brother’s hair. The ice blue eyes that were staring up at him now were hidden behind pale lids.
“Well come on then,” Evan whispered, “Let’s go check up on him.” He opened the window and watched as Ethan jumped out. He looked to the left corner of the room and smiled at the camera. He knew Han was watching. Then he turned to the window and followed his brother down their own rabbit hole.

They had walked across campus, drenched, cold, and silent. The storm raged around them, but they kept moving. Their destination wasn’t too far. Evan knew what was going through the other boy’s mind. It was going through his too. The sepia eyes that haunted their dreams along with the emerald ones that glared back at them. 

They finally got to Stuart and stared up to the roof. There he was, the reason they lost Logan. Julian Larson-Armstrong in all of his glory. He liked to sit out on the roof when it rained. Something about the way the storm mixed with his tears while it tried to wash them away. The twins liked it too, along with the way everything felt new afterwards. They found a tree with a perfect view of Julian and sat down.
“What do you think he is thinking about?” Ethan asked as he snuggled into his brother’s side.


“And what’s Logan thinking about?” Ethan glanced up at his brother, his eyes blurring with tears.

“Laughing at what he just did to Blaine and Kurt while pining after Julian.”

“I’m not sure what would be more painful. If they got together or if they keep giving each other those longing looks when the other’s back is turned.” Ethan leaned against the tree.

“Both are disgusting.” Evan looked over at his brother and smiled.

Meanwhile Julian was daydreaming about telling Logan how he felt. The water clearing the trails of tears that had been on his face, everything smelling fresh and clean. Julian rested his forearm over his eyes.

It would start with Derek nagging at him, same reason every time. He’d finally give in, unlike every other time and he’d walk down to Logan’s room.

The prefect would be lounging about in his room or studying like a madman. Julian would come in and pull Logan away from whatever he was doing with four words. We need to talk. Logan would figure out that this was something serious and would drop everything he was doing just to listen to Julian.

Worried expression playing on his face. Julian would live in that moment, relish every second it was on his face, it might be the last time he’d see it if something went wrong. He’d tell the blonde everything, then and there. How he has watched as Logan chased after these singers time and again, even helped them along only to leave when things were too much to bare. 

The prefect would listen, just staring wide eyed as the tale unfolded again right before his eyes. Reliving the pain of every relationship he’d ever been in along with the pain that was in Julian’s voice. Unrequited love, the flame living inside of Julian for three years. Ever since the day they met. 

When Julian couldn’t possibly go on any longer he’d wait for a response. That’s all he ever did was wait. This would be the same old song he’d been playing for years. When Logan didn’t answer right away he’d get the hint and make for the door, hands catching his wrist. He’d glance down to find a flustered Logan staring at his floorboards.

-I didn’t know. 

Of course he didn’t. Julian had worn a mask for so long that now, as it cracked and fell away, he had no idea what to do. He felt like he’d been freed, as if nothing could compare to the weight of this love being lifted off his shoulders.

-I don’t want to lose you. I know I still have feelings for Kurt. When those go away-I know they will. I want to give this a try. I’ve loved you in the past, I want to try again.

On the last sentence Logan would gaze up into sepia eyes, emerald ones filled to the brim with affection. That’s all Julian had ever wanted. A chance, something that gave him the strength to go on. Knowing that these past three years haven’t been a waste made the actors heart flutter. He had a chance and that’s all he had ever wanted from Logan.

Thunder boomed around Julian, lightening flashing him out of his imagination. He was on the roof of Stuart house. Logan didn’t say any of that. Not a single word. He suddenly felt sick with himself for having such an active imagination. Cursing under his breath he sat up and put his face in his hands, crying.

The twins watched all of this in indifference. 

“When do you think they’ll realize?” Ethan whispered.

“I don’t know. All they are waiting on is each other.” Evan wrapped his arms around his brother when he heard the other boy’s breath catch in his throat.

When Logan and Julian realized their feelings for each other, the boys would have no hope to hold on to. They’d lose their Knave forever and surprisingly, they were okay with that. It hurt, but they wanted him happy. God they wanted him happy. It’s been so long since they have seen a genuine smile on the boy’s face.

They sat in silence, just watching the boy who broke down on the roof through every storm. They pitied Julian then rather than hated him. He’d been through so much that they’ve been through, the only thing he had that they didn’t was the affections of the one they loved.
The next day in the hall they saw Logan and pulled him aside.

“Dee, Dum, what do you want?” Logan snarled at him.

The boys grinned at each other at the sound of him calling them by their Wonderland names. “Oh nothing, Knave.”

“Then why was I dragged into an empty classroom on my way to Calculus?” He gestured to the room.

“We just wanted to catch up a bit. Have a thing for the Cheshire now, do we?” Ethan smirked at his old friend.

Shit! How’d they know that?

Pink dusting across his cheeks. “N-no!” 

“Riddle me this then, why do your eyes follow him out of a room?” Evan’s grin grew wide.

“Or why during performances, you search the crowd for him?” Ethan took a step closer to the Prefect.

“What does that matter to you?” Logan snapped. This was not good. Being this close to them was never good. He’d been avoiding them for this exact reason. He had feelings for Julian, but once put in a room with these boys he wanted nothing more than to hold them and apologize. 

“We won’t tell, Lo.” Ethan reassured him, another step.

Logan just avoided eye contact.

“Not talking? Hm, pity.” Evan moved to his brother’s side. They were now inches from Logan, who backed right into the wall.
Shaking their heads they each kissed his cheeks. Evan the right, Ethan the left. Evan lingered by his ear.

“That’s all we needed to know.” He whispered and then they were gone. 

Rushing out the door to the sound of the two minute bell and leaving Logan to recover from whatever that was. 

They were so strange, and that’s why he was so curious. They never did what he was expecting. They’d leave him alone for months and then pop up out of nowhere and pull this. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself and headed to Calculus, taking his seat seconds before class started. His teacher was not pleased. He spent most of the lesson thinking about how close they were. How they smell. What they said. Shit, he was going to have to teach himself the material during lunch if he planned on going to bed at a descent hour tonight.

Damn those boys and what they did to him. It simply wasn’t fair that they could walk away with no regrets. What he didn’t know was that they regretted every second they gave into their need to see him, to talk to him, to touch him. It was a constant battle the two would end up losing one way or another.

Jul. 23rd, 2011

It's All In God Fun

 Evan was seriously trying to finish his homework, but his mind kept dragging him into the past. Back to when everything was fine. Before Kurt, before the Warblers, hell even before Dalton. He could see that Ethan was going through the same struggle. He smiled; glad he wasn’t the only one wanting to walk down memory lane today.

Finally he just let himself slip back into his own thoughts. Back to middle school and back when there was one other person the twins thought they couldn’t live without.

“Evan, hurry up or Ethan and I will leave you!”

“I am running as fast as I can! My shoes aren’t even on yet!”

The other blond sighed and turned around, beautiful green eyes looking at Evan as he shook his head. Ethan had stopped running and turned around, whining about how if they didn’t hurry up that their parents were going to kill them. The green eyed boy hushed Ethan and when Evan finally caught up he grabbed his hand and tugged him in the direction of home.

Evan swore at him and the boy looked over his shoulder and laughed.

“You know you love it when I treat you like this, Ev.”

“Shut the hell up, Knave!” He blushed as he snapped at the boy who was still laughing at him.

Evan looked up from his textbook to see Ethan was lost in thought. He laughed to himself, of course he was. He looked down at his book and decided that if he was doing to relive the good old days he needed to get some work done. He figured one chapter per memory would be fine.

Ethan wasn’t one to think rationally, he just went through his reel of memories and picked out the ones he wanted to relive. He had stumbled across one that was so bittersweet he couldn’t resist going through it again.

“Ethan! Explain yourself!” Ethan’s father was furious.

Ethan had come home from school that day to learn that his teacher had call about his behavior in class. He and Evan had gotten into an argument over something and he wanted revenge. This was the first time he had wanted to hurt his brother, to hurt himself.

Apparently he had attacked his twin in the middle of the courtyard when he had thought everyone was gone. Evan didn’t even realize what was going on until the back of his head hit the concrete. Ethan swung. Punch after ruthless punch, tears streaming down his face all the while.

Evan hadn’t fought back. Not a single punch, he never wanted to hurt Ethan. And if this is what his brother wanted, this is what he would give him.

“FIGHT BACK!” Ethan screamed at him.

“No,” Evan whispered through his bleeding, split lips.

That was when a teacher came running out of their classroom and pulled Ethan off his brother. The same teacher was the one that called the twins father.

“How could you be so immature? He is your brother! You never leave each other’s sides, and then you do this! Completely out of the blue! Pulling me away from a very important client! You should be ashamed of yourself!” Mr. Brightman smacked Ethan across the face as he finished his speech.

Evan was hiding in the other room, curled up in a ball and wincing when he heard the smack echo around his father and brother.
“This conversation is over,” Mr. Brightman explained as he turned and left the room.

Audee and Evan rushed into the room. Audee held her brothers close until she heard a knock at the door. She left the room and the two boys.

Ethan felt like he needed to explain his actions, but Evan raised his hand to signal for him to stop.

“The next time you are jealous, just tell me,” Evan walked out through the back door, leaving Ethan alone to greet the person who Audee was ushering in.

“Everyone is a little shaken right now,” She laughed.

Ethan turned to the boy in the doorway. Of course, green eyes stared back at him. He looked like he was torn between wanting to hold Ethan and wanting to scream at him. Logan took a few deep breaths and walked over to Ethan.

“I am sorry that your father hit you, but why would you attack your own brother?” Logan was genuinely confused. He had tried to find a reason, but came up with none.

Ethan tried to hold in a laugh, “You really are clueless, Knave” Ethan patted the other boy’s shoulder and left the room. He wanted to go make sure that Evan was truly okay.

Ethan smiled, not much has changed for Logan. He was still clueless. His green eyes could still make Ethan wonder what was under it all. And the twin still wondered what it would be like to kiss Logan’s lips, again. Both twins wondered, but never told each other. It was one of the only things they didn’t want to share.

They were sitting in the school’s library.

“Logan?” Ethan glanced up at the other boy through veiled lashes.

“Hmm?” Logan stopped reading his textbook.

“I…um… Have you had your first kiss yet?” Ethan blushed at the words that he had just said.

Logan nodded. It was with Evan. They were curious and didn’t see the harm in trying it out. It was soft, sweet, and the cutest thing ever. Evan wouldn’t look at him after and he just kissed his forehead and leaned against him. Evan had made Logan promise to never tell anyone, especially not Ethan. It hurt Logan, but he kept to his promise. Ethan didn’t learn about it until years later, for now he just nodded and looked off.

“Why do you ask?” Logan raised an eyebrow.

Ethan’s blush darkened as he tried to hide behind his textbook, “No reason!” 

“Uh-huh, well here I was thinking you wanted me to kiss you. Guess I was mistaken, Shame though, I would have done it,” Logan explained as he gathered his things.

Ethan’s hand shot to Logan’s wrist, “You would have?”

Logan nodded, “But what does it matter? You obviously weren’t interested.”

“I lied!” Ethan said a little too quickly.

Logan smirked, “Well then come on.” Logan pulled Ethan out of his chair.

“But my books!” Ethan pointed to the table.

“Will be here when we get back,” Logan said as he pulled him to the back of the library. 

Ethan laughed, “We are gonna get caught!”

“Not if you shut up,” Logan replied.

They got to the very back of the library where there was a door to a storage room. Logan looked around and then turned the knob and stepped inside, pulling Ethan with him.

He turned to the twin and smirked, “Will you ever stop blushing?”

Before Ethan could respond, Logan’s lips were on his. Unlike when Logan kissed Evan, this one was rough. He was overcome with curiosity. He wondered how Ethan would react. To his surprise, Ethan tried to deepen the kiss. He cupped the side of Logan’s face and pushed himself close to the other boy.

Logan was pleased by this and he wrapped his arms around Ethan, trying to get him even closer. Ethan pulled back shortly after, he needed air. He laughed and leaned his head on Logan’s forehead. 

Logan knew he was going to be walking a fine line with these twins. If this continued he would only want more and more. And not just from Ethan, but from Evan as well. 

Ethan had already fallen. He already wanted so much more from Logan, but he decided to wait until he knew how the other boy felt.
After regaining their composure the boys left the storage room and headed back to the table where Ethan’s things were. Ethan only said one thing the rest of the afternoon. 

“Please don’t tell Evan.”

Ethan laughed at himself. Those were when things were simple. They felt like they didn’t need anyone else. Ethan knew that it wasn’t going to last. Evan had convinced himself that he would have Logan and Ethan forever. That illusion was shattered by the one and only, Julian Larson.

It was during orientation at Dalton. 

The boys sat together, the twins holding each other’s hands. Logan was on the far end laughing at them. They just stuck out their tongues and made a comment about him being jealous. He just rolled his eyes and thought ‘of course I am, you fools.’

“Um, are these seats taken?” The blue eyed boy asked Logan as he pointed to the two seats on the other side of Logan. 
Logan just stared at him. The twins did the same. Never had they seen a boy so beautiful. Logan shook his head, “No, go ahead.” He was pretending to be uninterested.

The other boy smiled, “Thanks, I am Julian by the way,” he pointed over his shoulder and the other boy with him, “and this is Derek.

Logan and the twins waved and Derek and he just acknowledged them and sat down. Logan didn’t care much, he was more interested in the boy taking the seat next to him. Evan leaned close to Logan and whispered in his ear, “You may want to pick your jaw up off the floor”
Logan glared at him and the twins started laughing and leaning closer together.

The boy named Derek threw his head back, “UGH! Why do I have to go to an all boy’s school!”

Julian laughed, “Because if you didn’t you’d flirt with every girl on campus! Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if you got a girl pregnant before you graduate!”

Derek pushed him, “Says Hollywood’s heartbreaker, Julian Larson!”

Julian glared, “Shut up.”

Derek looked please with himself, “Tell me, Larson, how many girls have you dated?”

“That is something you will never know, Seigerson!”

The twins leaned forward to look at Julian. “Wait!” Evan commanded.

“You are the Julian Larson?” Ethan raised an eyebrow.

Julian only nodded and put his index fingers to his lips, telling them to keep it down. The twins smiled to each other and then at Logan. The boy wasn’t paying attention though; he was caught up in his own self pity. ‘Of course the boy is straight! Aren’t they always? You have got to stop getting your hopes up.’

The twins saw the look on Logan’s face and wanted to hold him, tell him it was alright. Evan settled for holding his hand out of sight of the other boys.

Evan glared down at his book as he remembered the day they met Julian. They grew apart every day since. Logan never even looked at him or Ethan anymore. They lost him. He lost him. The twins stayed in Winsor, Logan in Stuart. Julian and Derek were also in Stuart. They were Logan’s friends now. 

Evan and Ethan ended up creating the perfect game in their heads. Everyone they knew became characters from Alice in Wonderland. They even named Logan, Julian and Derek. The Knave, the Cheshire Cat, and the King of Hearts. It was their way of holding onto Logan. He may not talk to them anymore, but he was still part of their story. He was still with them, sort of.

But on days like this, when both twins were reliving just for the sake of holding on, they wondered why he suddenly acted so harshly towards them. The truth was he was afraid of getting so close to them again. If they asked him to pick one he wouldn’t be able to, but they didn’t know that.

There was a knock at their door; both boys looked at the door. “Come in,” They called.

David opened the door and walked in, “Hey, I am heading out to see Katherine; you want me to get anything on the way back?” He looked at the twins faces, he knew they weren’t okay.

“No thanks, Hatter.” Evan forced a smile.

David glanced over at Ethan, who smiled at him, “Alright, when I get back we should break out the nerf guns.” He hoped that the promise of a war would cheer them up. It did a bit. They laughed and agreed to it. 

When David left Ethan looked at his brother, “They sent Hatter in here.”

“I know.”

“They’re worried,” Ethan stated.

“Aren’t they always?” Evan laughed.

“Who do you think is the most worried?”

“Alice,” Evan closed his eyes as he thought of the newest edition to the Warblers, Windsor, and their Wonderland.

“Me too.”

Sure enough Kurt was pacing in his room, waiting for David to report to him. The twins laughed. Kurt was so motherly; it almost drove the Twins mad.

“Hey, Ev.” Ethan poked Evan’s arm.

Evan opened his eyes and looked at his brother, “Hm?”

“Do you think we will get over him?” He asked with audible pain in his voice, “Do you think we will ever fall for someone else?”

“I don’t know,” Evan said even though he did. They never would. Logan was someone they would never forget.

Jul. 19th, 2011


 "DAMIT JULES! LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE GOD DAMN MINUTE!" Logan's sharp green eyes took in a furious Julian.

"No, Logan! I don't fucking want to hear it! You cheated on me! With that Windsor whore!"Julian slammed his hand down on the desk in front of him to silence Logan.

Logan was never afraid of Julian. Never. But right now, he was scared shitless. There was a fire that lit in Julian after him and Logan started dating. A fire that burned brighter than anything Logan had ever seen. His emotions showed on his face with full force. His words could cut like knives now.

They had been fighting about this for hours already. Blaine had left a very drunk Kurt in Logan's care for a few minutes while he tried to phone for his driver. Kurt didn't notice the switch and kissed Logan. A deep, sloppy kiss that Logan was surprised to receive. When he gasped for air, Kurt took that as an invitation to stuff his tongue done Logan's throat. Cue Julian Larson, the boyfriend with the worst timing!
"Kurt isn't a whore! He was drunk and thought I was Blaine, he kissed me! Why aren't you listening!?" Logan pleaded as he stepped closer to Julian.

Julian stood up, fire still in his eyes, "I'm not listening? From what I hear, Kurt shoved his tongue down your throat and you did nothing to stop it! Any sane person would have stopped him, Lo. Oh but I forgot, you aren't sane!" Julian began to exit the room.
Logan was pissed now. How dare Julian! He still thinks I have feelings for Kurt. He walked over to where Julian stood and through him back against the wall.

“I am with you! I love you! Not Blaine, not Kurt, not Josh. You,” Logan explained calmly even though you could see the rage in his eyes.
Julian fought back. He threw Logan down onto his desk, “You say all of this, but how can I know for sure if I catch you staring at Kurt and Blaine! If you aren’t watching me, you are admiring them!” Tears welled up in Julian’s eyes. He knew his jealousy was irrational, that he had Logan. But the thought that Logan didn’t really love him kept finding its way back into his mind.

There it was the thing that really hurt Julian. Stupid reason, yes, but it still hurt.

Too bad Logan was too pissed at Jules by this point to even care. He shoved Julian off of him and headed to the door. Halfway out he turned around and looked at Julian.

“I watch them because we have something we don’t. That’s trust. We were best friends before we began this relationship and even then we weren’t honest with each other,” Logan turned back to the door.

The second Logan turned away from him Julian lost it. He took a few strides towards the older boy and shoved him sideways into the other wall.

“We aren’t done here Logan,” He was furious. Logan could tell by the sound of his voice. Over something stupid.Julian threw a few punches. One at Logan’s left eye.

“Shit, Larson! What the hell?” Logan yelled at the brunette.

Julian snapped out of his rage and saw Logan cupping over his eye. Instant guilt.

“Lo, I,” he looked down at his feet, “I don’t know what came over me.”

Logan glared at him, “Seems like we have more in common that I previously thought, Larson. Now I know how Blaine felt, being thrown around like a rag doll. Screw you, Julian! I am done with whatever this is!” He pushed himself off the wall and headed out of Julian’s room.
Julian looked around the room. He could see the damaged he had caused here, but the damaged he had caused to his and Logan’s relationship couldn’t be seen. He fell to his knees in and began to cry.

Derek ran in minutes after he saw what Julian had done to Logan. He was going to cuss him out until he saw the other boy lying on the ground. He walked into the room and crouched near Julian.

“Jules?” He asked softly.

“Ye-ye-yeah?” He responded. Derek being in the room only made his cries worse. More desperate. “I l-l-lost him h-h-huh Dare? He never wants to se-see me again!” He was wailing by now. Derek would bet money on Bailey being able to hear him down the hall.

Derek was not ready to hold Julian and tell him everything was alright, it wasn’t his thing. “Larson, get your ass up right now!” Julian stared at him, blood-shot eyes now wide. “You heard me! Get up!”

Julian stood up wiping his face as he did so, “N-now what?”

“Now you quit your damn whining! You punched him you idiot, not the other way around! You need to go get him! You worked too hard for this relationship to just throw it all away because you are a dumb ass who is jealous of people who aren’t even standing in your way anymore!” Derek all but screamed at Julian. He calmed himself before he continued, “You know he wouldn’t have tried to make this relationship work if he didn’t have feelings for you, Jules. He cares about you; he would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”

Julian stared at the other boy for a moment and then smiled still trying to fight back the tears. He ran out his door and down to Logan’s room. No one was there.

Bailey walks by and smiles, “You know where he goes when he is pissed.”

Julian nodded and ran across campus to the main building. If Logan wasn’t in his room he’d be at that damn piano in the music hall where the warblers practice.

Julian slowed as he got closer to the hall. He could already hear Logan playing. Normally he loved the way Logan played, but right now it sounded different. There was so much pain. Slow, agonizing notes floating about the room and then out to meet Julian. He stayed in the doorway, afraid that if he walked any closer to Logan that the blonde would rip him apart.

He leaned against the door frame and waited until Logan finished. During that time he watched Logan’s hands dance across the keys and when he let himself look at the other boy’s face he could see the tears tracing their way down his pale face.

Julian wanted nothing more than to go over and hold Logan. He would have if they weren’t in this position.

The song ended and Julian had no idea what to do. Logan looked to Julian, “It’s funny how you still don’t realize that you cry while I play.” He showed none of his emotions on his face, but there wasn’t a need for it. Julian knew what he did; the evidence was darkening around Logan’s eye.

“Yeah, you hit me pretty hard,” Logan stated. He didn’t sound angry or sad, that’s when Julian looked around the room. There they were, lying on the couch not too far from the piano. Logan’s medication.

Julian started to tear up again. The fact that Logan voluntarily took his medication meant that he was seriously hurt by Julian’s accusations. He knew he hurt the blonde, but he didn’t think it was enough to make Logan want to stop feeling.

“And why the hell are you crying?” Logan raised an eyebrow, “You weren’t the one that got his face smashed in, Larson. If anyone should be crying right now, it should be me.”

“That’s why I am crying you, idiot! You took your medication because I hurt you that much! Me and my stupid jealousy made you want to stop feeling! Made you go numb! I am crying because you don’t want to feel anything!” Julian sat down on the couch and pushed the medication onto the floor.

“My stupid jealousy and I,” Logan corrected.

“Can you not be a grammar nazi right now? I punched you in the face and you broke up with me, this is not the time to take a stab at my grammar,” Julian shook his head.

I still love you, Logan thought. He watched the younger Stuart beat himself up over what happened. The truth was that Logan wanted to take it back the second he ended it, he was just too stubborn to say so. Plus, he thought that watching Julian beg would be fun.

Julian put his face in his hands. He was an idiot when it came to Logan. He got jealous, he jumped to conclusions, and he lost control. “I’m sorry,” Julian mumbled.

Logan smirked, “What?”

Julian turned to look Logan in the eyes, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. I just saw you with Kurt and didn’t want to know what was really happening. Even when you told me I still didn’t want to listen.”

Logan smiled and walked over to the sofa, kneeling so that he was eye-level with Julian.

“I know. I didn’t take my meds,” He smiled at the movie star.

“What?” Julian looked confused.

“I didn’t. Take my meds,” Logan sang.

“You asshole!” Julian pushed Logan, “What the hell, Wright? I was worried about you!”

“And the fact that I didn’t take my meds changes that?” Logan asked.

“Yes! No. I don’t know!” Julian ran a hand through his dark hair.

Logan laughed, “Shut up Jules!” 

He leaned in and brushed his lips against Julian’s lightly. Julian leaned in, but then Logan was gone before anything had started.
Julian looked up to find Logan leaving the room.

“You really want to get caught in the music hall?” Logan smirked.

“Lock the door. Who says we’ll get caught?” Julian responded.

Logan shook his head and left the room. Julian ran after him and when he caught up he offered Logan his hand. Logan took it and they walked to Stuart house, where the Brightman twins were probably getting another prank ready for the prefect. 

Once at Julian’s door, Julian began to tug Logan inside. Logan smiled and kissed Julian softly. When he pulled away Julian still had his eyes shut, so he took that as his opportunity to walk to his room. Julian pouted when he realized what Logan had done.

“So this means no makeup sex?” Julian shouted down the hall to Logan with a smirk on his face.

“Sorry Jules, you punched me. This is your punishment,” Logan called over his shoulder.

Mar. 24th, 2011

Mine [Jogan fic]

Julian was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and asking himself one question. When did it get this bad? It wasn’t always like this. Julian and Logan use to laugh, use to be attached at the hip, they even hung out with Evan and Ethan. They were so close and now Julian was debating on whether or not to just pack up and leave in the middle of the night. Derek told him to man up, to stop running, but he just couldn’t. It’s not like Logan would care if I was gone!

The thought made his heart sink. Even though Julian knew that Logan fell for everyone except for him, it still hurt. His heart drops every time he sees Logan. And despite the death threats he has been getting and the most recent display on the front steps of Stuart House, Julian is still thinking about leaving.

Logan wouldn’t give a fuck if I left. He sits up and sees Adam in his doorway, staring at him with a worried expression.

“Hey Adam.”

“Hi,” the other boy said quietly.

“What are you doing here?”

Adam shifted his weight, “I came to see how you were doing. I know that the fight with Logan shook you up along with… the front steps.”

As he said the last three words there was a look in his eyes that sent a chill up Julian’s spine. Julian’s body was telling him to run, but he didn’t think anything of it.

“Yeah, but I’ll be gone soon so he won’t matter anymore,” Julian knew the last part was a lie, but didn’t portray it on his face.

“What?!” Adam almost screamed.

“Oh, I’m taking the movie,” Julian said simply.

Anger flashed in Adam’s eyes. Julian could almost see the fury licking Adam’s body like flames. The rage that was made audible by the way Adam slammed the door behind him as he entered the room and as the lock clicked. Julian realized he should have ran when the first flag went up.

“You can’t leave me! I just got here! You just can’t!” Adam’s voice went up several octaves as he spoke, “I love you Julian! I know everything about you. I see your glances; I know you care about me. We could be so happy together.”

“Wha-what do you mean I-I can’t leave?” Julian was locked in a room with his stalker and he was afraid to scream for help. He didn’t know how unstable Adam was.

“I love you, I’ve always loved you.” Adam was now moving closer and closer to Julian and when Julian stood and began putting more space between them, Adam demanded he sit back down.

Adam sat down next Julian. He then grasped the other boy’s hand in his and could see him go stiff. Adam thought it was from the shock of someone loving him and he nuzzled the crook in Julian’s neck.

“You can’t leave me. Promise me that you won’t go, please,” Adam whispered as he pulled away just enough to show the other boy the tears in his eyes.

Julian knew he couldn’t anger Adam or else he’d be dead so he promised not to leave. Adam’s face brightened up and he hugged Julian. He thanked Julian for five minutes and when he finally stopped he stared at Julian for a little bit.

Before Julian knew it, Adam was leaning in to kiss him. He froze under Adam’s lips, his stalker was kissing him! He wanted to scream for Logan or find Derek and just cry. Adam pulled back and blushed. They sat silent for the longest time, Adam staring at Julian and Julian appearing to stare at the floor while his mind was just down the hall.

Adam finally stood up and excused himself, saying something about studying that Julian didn’t really hear. As soon as the door shut behind Adam, Julian put his face in his hands and cried until someone else walked in. He was afraid to look up, afraid to see who it might be. He thought it was Adam again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and jerked away, crawled to the corner, and balled himself up. He only looked up for a moment as he moved.

Worried green eyes stared back at him. Logan. Logan hadn’t see Julian all day and began to worry. Derek had told him about the horrific display on the front steps of Stuart house. When he hadn’t seen Julian he assumed the worst.

Looking at Logan you’d think he didn’t care about Derek and Julian, but the reality was that he was actually extremely protective of them. He’d never tell them of course, but if anything were to happen to either of them he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. They put up with him when he was his worst, he wasn’t losing that.

In the single moment that Julian looked up at Logan, Logan could see everything. Tears were streaming down his face, he was gasping for air, and he looked broken. Logan was ready to kill whoever had done this to his best friend.

Julian gasped and sank his face back down to his hands, “Great! Just great! First him and now you. I just wish this nightmare would end. Just leave me the hell alone, Wright!”

Logan was taken aback by all the hate that seeped from Julian’s pores as he spoke. All of it centered on Logan’s name. Julian never spoke to him like that, not even when they were joking. Not even when they argued, there was never hate. If anything, Julian always sounded heartbroken.

“What do you mean, ‘this nightmare’? Who was in here before me? Who did this to you?”

Julian shook his head; he didn’t need Logan to start caring now. He didn’t want him to turn into the knight in shining armor now.

Logan grabbed Julian’s face in his hands, forcing the other boy to look at him. Julian squirmed and whined, but couldn’t escape Logan’s grasp.


Julian sighed and then whispered, “You and Adam.”

Logan only heard the Hanover’s name, “What did Adam do to you?”

“He is my stalker,” Julian almost laughed, “I should have known. No guy has ever cared about me so much.”

“That little- I’ll kill him!” Logan felt the anger fill him. His eyes looked like those of a savage animal. He turned around and began to head for Hanover house to beat Adam senseless before Julian caught his wrist.

“Logan, don’t. You’ll get expelled. I know you are going to go over there and pound his face in, don’t do it. I’ll tell Ramsey, she’ll deal with it,” Julian was glancing up at Logan from underneath his eyelashes.

Logan found his anger starting to fade and wanting to lean down and kiss Julian. Damnit! Get a hold of yourself, Logan. Jules is straight! You know he will never want you, that’s why you chase after people like Kurt and Blaine!

He forced himself to think of Adam. He wanted to be angry; he wanted to kill him. “No one threatens my best friend and gets away with it, Jules!”

Julian couldn’t take it anymore. He could no longer censor himself and his thoughts pushed past his lips into the air around the two boys, “Why do you care now? This has been happening for years, why now? You sure as hell don’t care about anyone, but yourself! I take your shit every day I am here, every fucking day! You are constantly trotting behind some pretty boy singer who doesn’t give a fuck about you! And then after it’s all over what do I do? I put you back together; I fix you and send you on your way, only to be emotionally abused by you!”

 “I have always been like this! About both you and Derek! I can’t lose you! You are right, you are there when I need you and then I do nothing, but attack you! But I want to get better, I want to help you. Now let me kill that sick prick!” Logan didn’t bother arguing with Julian, he knew he was right about everything.

Logan’s eyes were wild and Julian almost listened to him, almost.

“No. I am dealing with this myself. You aren’t saving me. I am not a princess to be rescued.”

“I never said you were one, but let me do this,” Logan’s words came out as a whisper.

“Oh, just go chase after Kurt with your tongue hanging out of your mouth like a puppy,” Julian snapped, “I can handle my own problems, unlike you.”

Julian lifted himself of his bed and walked out on Logan.  Julian’s words were meant to cut deep into Logan, and that’s just what they did. He was both hurt and angry.  Julian was bursting at the seams, the little production he had been putting on for Dalton was coming to a close and everything was falling apart. His façade was breaking and his walls were falling. He was so angry that he almost plowed straight through Derek on this way to Ramsey’s office.

Julian apologized and tried to continue across the campus, but Derek grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. The contact made Julian realize what he had just done and began to cry. Derek guided his friend over to a bench where they could talk and that is where Julian told him everything in between his cries. Derek told him to calm down and once he did that they would both go to Ramsey’s office and deal with Adam. They could deal with Logan later.

Meanwhile, Logan was still in Julian’s room, mentally cussing himself out for whatever he did to piss Julian off. He was so angry with himself that he slammed a fist onto Julian’s desk. He jumped back a little, worried he had done damage to it when he saw a two photos sitting in the trash bin next to the desk. He reached in and examined them. The first was of him and Julian, Derek was taking the picture. Logan had one hand up, trying to cover the camera unsuccessfully. The picture was of a time when he didn’t need to be medicated and before everything began to crumble. He sighed and was about to toss them back into the trash when he glanced at the younger Julian in the picture.

He was smiling, but not for the camera. He was watching Logan with a loving look in his eyes. The way Blaine stares at Kurt. Logan couldn’t understand why and decided to look at the next picture. It was of him. He didn’t even remember this one. It looked as if it was from this year. It was in the music room and he was staring out the large window out to the garden behind the building. He flipped it over to check the date. It was the exact day Kurt transferred to the school. But Julian wasn’t even in the state, let alone on campus, that day. Derek had written something in the corner:

Hey, guess who’s looking for you. –D

Derek messing with Julian. Logan thought Derek would have caught hell for the comment along with the photo getting burned. But here it was.

-Who did this to you?

-You and Adam.

Logan realized what Julian had meant. And ran to Ramsey’s office. Julian and Derek had just finished explaining the situation to Dean Ramsey, but she was not willing to pull Adam into her office until she had more proof.

Laura Bancroft was also in the dean’s office. She was waiting for someone to pick her up and take her to the airport on her older brother’s request. She hadn’t heard much of the conversation, but from what she did hear she realized that the boy she saw the night of the fair was the student that the three were talking about.

She cleared her throat to get their attention, “Um, excuse me. I know it’s not my place to speak about this, but I saw blood leading up the steps of Hanover the night of the fair and a boy staring at the Stuart house from one of the windows.”

They asked her what the student looked like and then Ramsey pulled up Adam’s student file on her computer and asked Laura if the boy she saw was him,

“Yes, ma’am. That is the creep.”

Ramsey proceeded to call the police and contacted the Head of Hanover house to bring Adam to her office and to get someone to search his room. Julian, Derek and Laura were escorted to the music room on Julian’s request. They waited there while Adam’s room was searched. Sure enough the faculty found an abundant amount of photographs and letters to Julian along with a shirt stained with what appeared to be blood.

Adam was taken away by the police and Ramsey informed the three. Derek turned to Laura, who was watching the police cars lined in front of the school from the window, and asked her if she would like anything in return for her help. She asked them to try and convince her older brother to let her stay in Ohio for just a little while longer.

“We’ll do our best,” Derek laughed as he pulled her into a hug.

Derek called Justin, demanding to meet him in the rose garden behind the school. Then both Derek and the young Bancroft went to wait for the Prefect.

When Logan finally got to Ramsey’s office, Adam was in handcuffs and being led out to a police cruiser. He was screaming that he and Julian were meant for each other and that he had done nothing wrong. Logan glared at the boy as he walked into the office. Ramsey had just about collapsed into the chair behind her desk and began rubbing her temples. Logan asked her if she knew where Julian might be. She told him and he ran off, yelling a thank you over his shoulder.

Julian didn’t notice when Logan walked in. He was sitting at the piano, stroking the keys with his eyes shut, wishing he could play. Logan sat next to him and began playing. Julian’s eyes shot open and he stared at the Prefect. He jumped from the bench and Logan’s hand left the piano and grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down.

He let go and began playing again, “Remember when I first told you I played piano, and you made me play for you for hours?”

Julian didn’t recognize the tone Logan was using, all he knew was that Logan wasn’t angry, “Uh huh.”

“And that time we ran around campus with the Brightmans in one of the biggest nerf gun fights Dalton has ever seen?” Logan laughed, “We pissed everyone off.”

Julian just stared at him. It wasn’t like him to look back at those times.

“We were so happy. What changed? When did we start fighting?”

Julian whispered, “When you started dating Blaine.”

Logan nodded. He had stopped playing and turned to face Julian, “When did you fall in love with me?”

Julian’s eyes widened.

“You didn’t think you could hide it from me forever did you?” Logan laughed as he handed the pictures to the other boy, “You slipped up so often.”

Julian flipped through the pictures and shook his head. Logan was right, every time he turned around Julian was staring at him.

“Since freshmen year,” Julian stared down at the piano as he spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t matter, you were always looking at someone else. You never even glanced at me,” Julian could feel tears forming in his eyes. He was exhausted and Logan just kept pushing for answers.

“At least, not when you are looking,” Logan stated.

“What?” That was all Julian could think of to say.

“Every time you put me back together all I can think about is you. You were always there for me, you are smart and funny, you put up with my crap and you care about me. The fact that you are gorgeous only makes it harder for me to look away. But you were my straight best friend and I didn’t want to lose you,” Logan paused only for a moment before he went on with his monologue, “But now that I know. No one else matters.”

“Not even Kurt?”

“Not even Kurt. I only went after other guys because I was hoping it would help me get over you,” Logan began to lean closer to Julian.

“Did it?” Julian asked as he inched away.

“No,” Logan ran his hand against Julian’s cheek, earning him a soft sigh.

“But we fight all the time,” Julian closed his eyes.

“And whose fault is that?” Logan leaned in and kissed the other boy lightly.

Julian kissed back, his arms wrapped around the Prefect’s neck. Logan was finally his, after all these years of running away and picking up the shattered pieces of Logan’s heart. Logan pulled away and rested his forehead on Julian’s shoulder.

“Whose fault was it?” he asked again.

“Mine,” Julian whispered in his ear, “If I can have you now, I’d take the blame for anything.”

Logan lifted his head and grabbed the other boy’s tie and smiled. “I love you,” he pronounced each word slowly for Julian.

“I love you too,” Julian smiled.