Mine [Jogan fic]
Julian was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and asking himself one question. When did it get this bad? It wasn’t always like this. Julian and Logan use to laugh, use to be attached at the hip, they even hung out with Evan and Ethan. They were so close and now Julian was debating on whether or not to just pack up and leave in the middle of the night. Derek told him to man up, to stop running, but he just couldn’t. It’s not like Logan would care if I was gone!
The thought made his heart sink. Even though Julian knew that Logan fell for everyone except for him, it still hurt. His heart drops every time he sees Logan. And despite the death threats he has been getting and the most recent display on the front steps of Stuart House, Julian is still thinking about leaving.
Logan wouldn’t give a fuck if I left. He sits up and sees Adam in his doorway, staring at him with a worried expression.
“Hi,” the other boy said quietly.
“What are you doing here?”
Adam shifted his weight, “I came to see how you were doing. I know that the fight with Logan shook you up along with… the front steps.”
As he said the last three words there was a look in his eyes that sent a chill up Julian’s spine. Julian’s body was telling him to run, but he didn’t think anything of it.
“Yeah, but I’ll be gone soon so he won’t matter anymore,” Julian knew the last part was a lie, but didn’t portray it on his face.
“What?!” Adam almost screamed.
“Oh, I’m taking the movie,” Julian said simply.
Anger flashed in Adam’s eyes. Julian could almost see the fury licking Adam’s body like flames. The rage that was made audible by the way Adam slammed the door behind him as he entered the room and as the lock clicked. Julian realized he should have ran when the first flag went up.
“You can’t leave me! I just got here! You just can’t!” Adam’s voice went up several octaves as he spoke, “I love you Julian! I know everything about you. I see your glances; I know you care about me. We could be so happy together.”
“Wha-what do you mean I-I can’t leave?” Julian was locked in a room with his stalker and he was afraid to scream for help. He didn’t know how unstable Adam was.
“I love you, I’ve always loved you.” Adam was now moving closer and closer to Julian and when Julian stood and began putting more space between them, Adam demanded he sit back down.
Adam sat down next Julian. He then grasped the other boy’s hand in his and could see him go stiff. Adam thought it was from the shock of someone loving him and he nuzzled the crook in Julian’s neck.
“You can’t leave me. Promise me that you won’t go, please,” Adam whispered as he pulled away just enough to show the other boy the tears in his eyes.
Julian knew he couldn’t anger Adam or else he’d be dead so he promised not to leave. Adam’s face brightened up and he hugged Julian. He thanked Julian for five minutes and when he finally stopped he stared at Julian for a little bit.
Before Julian knew it, Adam was leaning in to kiss him. He froze under Adam’s lips, his stalker was kissing him! He wanted to scream for Logan or find Derek and just cry. Adam pulled back and blushed. They sat silent for the longest time, Adam staring at Julian and Julian appearing to stare at the floor while his mind was just down the hall.
Adam finally stood up and excused himself, saying something about studying that Julian didn’t really hear. As soon as the door shut behind Adam, Julian put his face in his hands and cried until someone else walked in. He was afraid to look up, afraid to see who it might be. He thought it was Adam again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and jerked away, crawled to the corner, and balled himself up. He only looked up for a moment as he moved.
Worried green eyes stared back at him. Logan. Logan hadn’t see Julian all day and began to worry. Derek had told him about the horrific display on the front steps of Stuart house. When he hadn’t seen Julian he assumed the worst.
Looking at Logan you’d think he didn’t care about Derek and Julian, but the reality was that he was actually extremely protective of them. He’d never tell them of course, but if anything were to happen to either of them he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. They put up with him when he was his worst, he wasn’t losing that.
In the single moment that Julian looked up at Logan, Logan could see everything. Tears were streaming down his face, he was gasping for air, and he looked broken. Logan was ready to kill whoever had done this to his best friend.
Julian gasped and sank his face back down to his hands, “Great! Just great! First him and now you. I just wish this nightmare would end. Just leave me the hell alone, Wright!”
Logan was taken aback by all the hate that seeped from Julian’s pores as he spoke. All of it centered on Logan’s name. Julian never spoke to him like that, not even when they were joking. Not even when they argued, there was never hate. If anything, Julian always sounded heartbroken.
“What do you mean, ‘this nightmare’? Who was in here before me? Who did this to you?”
Julian shook his head; he didn’t need Logan to start caring now. He didn’t want him to turn into the knight in shining armor now.
Logan grabbed Julian’s face in his hands, forcing the other boy to look at him. Julian squirmed and whined, but couldn’t escape Logan’s grasp.
Julian sighed and then whispered, “You and Adam.”
Logan only heard the Hanover’s name, “What did Adam do to you?”
“He is my stalker,” Julian almost laughed, “I should have known. No guy has ever cared about me so much.”
“That little- I’ll kill him!” Logan felt the anger fill him. His eyes looked like those of a savage animal. He turned around and began to head for Hanover house to beat Adam senseless before Julian caught his wrist.
“Logan, don’t. You’ll get expelled. I know you are going to go over there and pound his face in, don’t do it. I’ll tell Ramsey, she’ll deal with it,” Julian was glancing up at Logan from underneath his eyelashes.
Logan found his anger starting to fade and wanting to lean down and kiss Julian. Damnit! Get a hold of yourself, Logan. Jules is straight! You know he will never want you, that’s why you chase after people like Kurt and Blaine!
He forced himself to think of Adam. He wanted to be angry; he wanted to kill him. “No one threatens my best friend and gets away with it, Jules!”
Julian couldn’t take it anymore. He could no longer censor himself and his thoughts pushed past his lips into the air around the two boys, “Why do you care now? This has been happening for years, why now? You sure as hell don’t care about anyone, but yourself! I take your shit every day I am here, every fucking day! You are constantly trotting behind some pretty boy singer who doesn’t give a fuck about you! And then after it’s all over what do I do? I put you back together; I fix you and send you on your way, only to be emotionally abused by you!”
“I have always been like this! About both you and Derek! I can’t lose you! You are right, you are there when I need you and then I do nothing, but attack you! But I want to get better, I want to help you. Now let me kill that sick prick!” Logan didn’t bother arguing with Julian, he knew he was right about everything.
Logan’s eyes were wild and Julian almost listened to him, almost.
“No. I am dealing with this myself. You aren’t saving me. I am not a princess to be rescued.”
“I never said you were one, but let me do this,” Logan’s words came out as a whisper.
“Oh, just go chase after Kurt with your tongue hanging out of your mouth like a puppy,” Julian snapped, “I can handle my own problems, unlike you.”
Julian lifted himself of his bed and walked out on Logan. Julian’s words were meant to cut deep into Logan, and that’s just what they did. He was both hurt and angry. Julian was bursting at the seams, the little production he had been putting on for Dalton was coming to a close and everything was falling apart. His façade was breaking and his walls were falling. He was so angry that he almost plowed straight through Derek on this way to Ramsey’s office.
Julian apologized and tried to continue across the campus, but Derek grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. The contact made Julian realize what he had just done and began to cry. Derek guided his friend over to a bench where they could talk and that is where Julian told him everything in between his cries. Derek told him to calm down and once he did that they would both go to Ramsey’s office and deal with Adam. They could deal with Logan later.
Meanwhile, Logan was still in Julian’s room, mentally cussing himself out for whatever he did to piss Julian off. He was so angry with himself that he slammed a fist onto Julian’s desk. He jumped back a little, worried he had done damage to it when he saw a two photos sitting in the trash bin next to the desk. He reached in and examined them. The first was of him and Julian, Derek was taking the picture. Logan had one hand up, trying to cover the camera unsuccessfully. The picture was of a time when he didn’t need to be medicated and before everything began to crumble. He sighed and was about to toss them back into the trash when he glanced at the younger Julian in the picture.
He was smiling, but not for the camera. He was watching Logan with a loving look in his eyes. The way Blaine stares at Kurt. Logan couldn’t understand why and decided to look at the next picture. It was of him. He didn’t even remember this one. It looked as if it was from this year. It was in the music room and he was staring out the large window out to the garden behind the building. He flipped it over to check the date. It was the exact day Kurt transferred to the school. But Julian wasn’t even in the state, let alone on campus, that day. Derek had written something in the corner:
Hey, guess who’s looking for you. –D
Derek messing with Julian. Logan thought Derek would have caught hell for the comment along with the photo getting burned. But here it was.
-Who did this to you?
-You and Adam.
Logan realized what Julian had meant. And ran to Ramsey’s office. Julian and Derek had just finished explaining the situation to Dean Ramsey, but she was not willing to pull Adam into her office until she had more proof.
Laura Bancroft was also in the dean’s office. She was waiting for someone to pick her up and take her to the airport on her older brother’s request. She hadn’t heard much of the conversation, but from what she did hear she realized that the boy she saw the night of the fair was the student that the three were talking about.
She cleared her throat to get their attention, “Um, excuse me. I know it’s not my place to speak about this, but I saw blood leading up the steps of Hanover the night of the fair and a boy staring at the Stuart house from one of the windows.”
They asked her what the student looked like and then Ramsey pulled up Adam’s student file on her computer and asked Laura if the boy she saw was him,
“Yes, ma’am. That is the creep.”
Ramsey proceeded to call the police and contacted the Head of Hanover house to bring Adam to her office and to get someone to search his room. Julian, Derek and Laura were escorted to the music room on Julian’s request. They waited there while Adam’s room was searched. Sure enough the faculty found an abundant amount of photographs and letters to Julian along with a shirt stained with what appeared to be blood.
Adam was taken away by the police and Ramsey informed the three. Derek turned to Laura, who was watching the police cars lined in front of the school from the window, and asked her if she would like anything in return for her help. She asked them to try and convince her older brother to let her stay in Ohio for just a little while longer.
“We’ll do our best,” Derek laughed as he pulled her into a hug.
Derek called Justin, demanding to meet him in the rose garden behind the school. Then both Derek and the young Bancroft went to wait for the Prefect.
When Logan finally got to Ramsey’s office, Adam was in handcuffs and being led out to a police cruiser. He was screaming that he and Julian were meant for each other and that he had done nothing wrong. Logan glared at the boy as he walked into the office. Ramsey had just about collapsed into the chair behind her desk and began rubbing her temples. Logan asked her if she knew where Julian might be. She told him and he ran off, yelling a thank you over his shoulder.
Julian didn’t notice when Logan walked in. He was sitting at the piano, stroking the keys with his eyes shut, wishing he could play. Logan sat next to him and began playing. Julian’s eyes shot open and he stared at the Prefect. He jumped from the bench and Logan’s hand left the piano and grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down.
He let go and began playing again, “Remember when I first told you I played piano, and you made me play for you for hours?”
Julian didn’t recognize the tone Logan was using, all he knew was that Logan wasn’t angry, “Uh huh.”
“And that time we ran around campus with the Brightmans in one of the biggest nerf gun fights Dalton has ever seen?” Logan laughed, “We pissed everyone off.”
Julian just stared at him. It wasn’t like him to look back at those times.
“We were so happy. What changed? When did we start fighting?”
Julian whispered, “When you started dating Blaine.”
Logan nodded. He had stopped playing and turned to face Julian, “When did you fall in love with me?”
Julian’s eyes widened.
“You didn’t think you could hide it from me forever did you?” Logan laughed as he handed the pictures to the other boy, “You slipped up so often.”
Julian flipped through the pictures and shook his head. Logan was right, every time he turned around Julian was staring at him.
“Since freshmen year,” Julian stared down at the piano as he spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it didn’t matter, you were always looking at someone else. You never even glanced at me,” Julian could feel tears forming in his eyes. He was exhausted and Logan just kept pushing for answers.
“At least, not when you are looking,” Logan stated.
“What?” That was all Julian could think of to say.
“Every time you put me back together all I can think about is you. You were always there for me, you are smart and funny, you put up with my crap and you care about me. The fact that you are gorgeous only makes it harder for me to look away. But you were my straight best friend and I didn’t want to lose you,” Logan paused only for a moment before he went on with his monologue, “But now that I know. No one else matters.”
“Not even Kurt?”
“Not even Kurt. I only went after other guys because I was hoping it would help me get over you,” Logan began to lean closer to Julian.
“Did it?” Julian asked as he inched away.
“No,” Logan ran his hand against Julian’s cheek, earning him a soft sigh.
“But we fight all the time,” Julian closed his eyes.
“And whose fault is that?” Logan leaned in and kissed the other boy lightly.
Julian kissed back, his arms wrapped around the Prefect’s neck. Logan was finally his, after all these years of running away and picking up the shattered pieces of Logan’s heart. Logan pulled away and rested his forehead on Julian’s shoulder.
“Whose fault was it?” he asked again.
“Mine,” Julian whispered in his ear, “If I can have you now, I’d take the blame for anything.”
Logan lifted his head and grabbed the other boy’s tie and smiled. “I love you,” he pronounced each word slowly for Julian.
“I love you too,” Julian smiled.