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August 2011

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Afraid


 "DAMIT JULES! LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE GOD DAMN MINUTE!" Logan's sharp green eyes took in a furious Julian.

"No, Logan! I don't fucking want to hear it! You cheated on me! With that Windsor whore!"Julian slammed his hand down on the desk in front of him to silence Logan.

Logan was never afraid of Julian. Never. But right now, he was scared shitless. There was a fire that lit in Julian after him and Logan started dating. A fire that burned brighter than anything Logan had ever seen. His emotions showed on his face with full force. His words could cut like knives now.

They had been fighting about this for hours already. Blaine had left a very drunk Kurt in Logan's care for a few minutes while he tried to phone for his driver. Kurt didn't notice the switch and kissed Logan. A deep, sloppy kiss that Logan was surprised to receive. When he gasped for air, Kurt took that as an invitation to stuff his tongue done Logan's throat. Cue Julian Larson, the boyfriend with the worst timing!
"Kurt isn't a whore! He was drunk and thought I was Blaine, he kissed me! Why aren't you listening!?" Logan pleaded as he stepped closer to Julian.

Julian stood up, fire still in his eyes, "I'm not listening? From what I hear, Kurt shoved his tongue down your throat and you did nothing to stop it! Any sane person would have stopped him, Lo. Oh but I forgot, you aren't sane!" Julian began to exit the room.
Logan was pissed now. How dare Julian! He still thinks I have feelings for Kurt. He walked over to where Julian stood and through him back against the wall.

“I am with you! I love you! Not Blaine, not Kurt, not Josh. You,” Logan explained calmly even though you could see the rage in his eyes.
Julian fought back. He threw Logan down onto his desk, “You say all of this, but how can I know for sure if I catch you staring at Kurt and Blaine! If you aren’t watching me, you are admiring them!” Tears welled up in Julian’s eyes. He knew his jealousy was irrational, that he had Logan. But the thought that Logan didn’t really love him kept finding its way back into his mind.

There it was the thing that really hurt Julian. Stupid reason, yes, but it still hurt.

Too bad Logan was too pissed at Jules by this point to even care. He shoved Julian off of him and headed to the door. Halfway out he turned around and looked at Julian.

“I watch them because we have something we don’t. That’s trust. We were best friends before we began this relationship and even then we weren’t honest with each other,” Logan turned back to the door.

The second Logan turned away from him Julian lost it. He took a few strides towards the older boy and shoved him sideways into the other wall.

“We aren’t done here Logan,” He was furious. Logan could tell by the sound of his voice. Over something stupid.Julian threw a few punches. One at Logan’s left eye.

“Shit, Larson! What the hell?” Logan yelled at the brunette.

Julian snapped out of his rage and saw Logan cupping over his eye. Instant guilt.

“Lo, I,” he looked down at his feet, “I don’t know what came over me.”

Logan glared at him, “Seems like we have more in common that I previously thought, Larson. Now I know how Blaine felt, being thrown around like a rag doll. Screw you, Julian! I am done with whatever this is!” He pushed himself off the wall and headed out of Julian’s room.
Julian looked around the room. He could see the damaged he had caused here, but the damaged he had caused to his and Logan’s relationship couldn’t be seen. He fell to his knees in and began to cry.

Derek ran in minutes after he saw what Julian had done to Logan. He was going to cuss him out until he saw the other boy lying on the ground. He walked into the room and crouched near Julian.

“Jules?” He asked softly.

“Ye-ye-yeah?” He responded. Derek being in the room only made his cries worse. More desperate. “I l-l-lost him h-h-huh Dare? He never wants to se-see me again!” He was wailing by now. Derek would bet money on Bailey being able to hear him down the hall.

Derek was not ready to hold Julian and tell him everything was alright, it wasn’t his thing. “Larson, get your ass up right now!” Julian stared at him, blood-shot eyes now wide. “You heard me! Get up!”

Julian stood up wiping his face as he did so, “N-now what?”

“Now you quit your damn whining! You punched him you idiot, not the other way around! You need to go get him! You worked too hard for this relationship to just throw it all away because you are a dumb ass who is jealous of people who aren’t even standing in your way anymore!” Derek all but screamed at Julian. He calmed himself before he continued, “You know he wouldn’t have tried to make this relationship work if he didn’t have feelings for you, Jules. He cares about you; he would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”

Julian stared at the other boy for a moment and then smiled still trying to fight back the tears. He ran out his door and down to Logan’s room. No one was there.

Bailey walks by and smiles, “You know where he goes when he is pissed.”

Julian nodded and ran across campus to the main building. If Logan wasn’t in his room he’d be at that damn piano in the music hall where the warblers practice.

Julian slowed as he got closer to the hall. He could already hear Logan playing. Normally he loved the way Logan played, but right now it sounded different. There was so much pain. Slow, agonizing notes floating about the room and then out to meet Julian. He stayed in the doorway, afraid that if he walked any closer to Logan that the blonde would rip him apart.

He leaned against the door frame and waited until Logan finished. During that time he watched Logan’s hands dance across the keys and when he let himself look at the other boy’s face he could see the tears tracing their way down his pale face.

Julian wanted nothing more than to go over and hold Logan. He would have if they weren’t in this position.

The song ended and Julian had no idea what to do. Logan looked to Julian, “It’s funny how you still don’t realize that you cry while I play.” He showed none of his emotions on his face, but there wasn’t a need for it. Julian knew what he did; the evidence was darkening around Logan’s eye.

“Yeah, you hit me pretty hard,” Logan stated. He didn’t sound angry or sad, that’s when Julian looked around the room. There they were, lying on the couch not too far from the piano. Logan’s medication.

Julian started to tear up again. The fact that Logan voluntarily took his medication meant that he was seriously hurt by Julian’s accusations. He knew he hurt the blonde, but he didn’t think it was enough to make Logan want to stop feeling.

“And why the hell are you crying?” Logan raised an eyebrow, “You weren’t the one that got his face smashed in, Larson. If anyone should be crying right now, it should be me.”

“That’s why I am crying you, idiot! You took your medication because I hurt you that much! Me and my stupid jealousy made you want to stop feeling! Made you go numb! I am crying because you don’t want to feel anything!” Julian sat down on the couch and pushed the medication onto the floor.

“My stupid jealousy and I,” Logan corrected.

“Can you not be a grammar nazi right now? I punched you in the face and you broke up with me, this is not the time to take a stab at my grammar,” Julian shook his head.

I still love you, Logan thought. He watched the younger Stuart beat himself up over what happened. The truth was that Logan wanted to take it back the second he ended it, he was just too stubborn to say so. Plus, he thought that watching Julian beg would be fun.

Julian put his face in his hands. He was an idiot when it came to Logan. He got jealous, he jumped to conclusions, and he lost control. “I’m sorry,” Julian mumbled.

Logan smirked, “What?”

Julian turned to look Logan in the eyes, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. I just saw you with Kurt and didn’t want to know what was really happening. Even when you told me I still didn’t want to listen.”

Logan smiled and walked over to the sofa, kneeling so that he was eye-level with Julian.

“I know. I didn’t take my meds,” He smiled at the movie star.

“What?” Julian looked confused.

“I didn’t. Take my meds,” Logan sang.

“You asshole!” Julian pushed Logan, “What the hell, Wright? I was worried about you!”

“And the fact that I didn’t take my meds changes that?” Logan asked.

“Yes! No. I don’t know!” Julian ran a hand through his dark hair.

Logan laughed, “Shut up Jules!” 

He leaned in and brushed his lips against Julian’s lightly. Julian leaned in, but then Logan was gone before anything had started.
Julian looked up to find Logan leaving the room.

“You really want to get caught in the music hall?” Logan smirked.

“Lock the door. Who says we’ll get caught?” Julian responded.

Logan shook his head and left the room. Julian ran after him and when he caught up he offered Logan his hand. Logan took it and they walked to Stuart house, where the Brightman twins were probably getting another prank ready for the prefect. 

Once at Julian’s door, Julian began to tug Logan inside. Logan smiled and kissed Julian softly. When he pulled away Julian still had his eyes shut, so he took that as his opportunity to walk to his room. Julian pouted when he realized what Logan had done.

“So this means no makeup sex?” Julian shouted down the hall to Logan with a smirk on his face.

“Sorry Jules, you punched me. This is your punishment,” Logan called over his shoulder.

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